如果你觉得自己生活很闷，一种办法是用中文和别人谈话。

在 MSN Messenger 上，把名字换成 中文，跟别人讲话最好用越多华文越好。

你会感觉到连一些普通谈话也会有一点问题。 这就会给生活一点兴趣。

在自己的 blog 上用华文也可以！

Achtung: The following is a highly inflammatory post - initial testing with our focus group revealed that the following post may be construed as offensive by certain segments of our target demographic - specifically if your name is "Mary", or if your last name is some variation on the theme of "Nocarb".

Reasonable attempts have been made, of course, to protect the identities of those involved in these incidents.



Yet another quack spotted at TTSH

Given the famous insularity of the medical profession ("Thou shalt not testify against another physician") it is unavoidable that some quacks do slip through the cracks in the system.

Today we had a Cardiology "Clinical Fellow" who brought us to an aortic stenosis case, before asking us what abnormalities we expected to hear.

Me: Loud P2 and soft A2 - stenosed valves barely even flap let alone make a loud....
MN: Nope nada wrong zilch TEEEEEHHH you expect a louder A2 in AS.

And the GCO of course being the histrionic overreacting fuck that he is, immediately started spewing forth at the mouth and hyperventilating. But of course YOU DO NOT CONTRADICT A PROFESSOR so the incident would've passed without further comment if not for the following heresy:

MN: OMG WTF NOOBS you mean you haven't heard of head-bobbing in AS? Thats like, de Musset's sign - head bobbing in time with the pulse you PAWNED NOOBS.
Me: Isn't that usually seen together with the dancing carotids - Corrigan's sign? Thats aortic regurgitation right?
Some Cardio dude: Eh Mary yeah it's usually seen in AR.

I mean, HOW THE FUCK do you screw up a cardiology bread-and-butter case like aortic stenosis? Especially now that you are teaching us young impressionable fucks, propogating heresies after heresies down the chain of generations, like some screwed up Mendelian allele?


Introducing StethoAid!

One good thing did come out of today's Cardio tutorial after all - Some Cardio Dude was wearing a digital watch clipped on to his stethoscope, which I initially mistook for a stethoscope amplifier, before realizing what a fucking ingenious brainwave I had just come up with.

Imagine a portable steth mike-amplifer circuit clipped onto the fork of the steth - low pass and high pass band filters segregate the low-pitched murmurs and the high-pitched heart sounds, and projecting it directly unto left and right earpieces respectively - VOILA instant diagnosis of all hard-to-hear murmurs with easy-timing capability! Separate operation modes for lung & bowel sounds obviously apply. Heck I'll even throw in a Memcard slot so you can use your steth as a high end MP3 player that simultaneously announces your high-earning and highly desirable status as a medical professional!

Suck that, Steve Jobs.

Random Musings

(zéro)

Nothing in this world is truly random. Although the events, or small atomic particles that make up our lives may move in somewhat random motion, there is always an external force that will propel the overall nett effect in a particular direction.

(un)

Nothing in this world is forever. Everything is transient. The only thing that lasts is your soul, and that is not even technically in this world. However, what you do in this world can develop your soul. Development of your soul is the best purpose for you in this life, so that in the next life you will prosper. This is not a completely theological point. I do not wish to get into theological discussions over this. In fact, whether you take most of these points theologically is up to your personal interpretation.

(deux)

What you do, or fail to do, be it a little thing, or anything momentous, all will have significant impact on your life.

(trois)

Every one has 24 hours in a day. What you do in this 24 hours is what makes you different from others. Have you ever asked yourself, why am I doing this particular thing?

(quatre)

Always look forward, not back. Think of what you stand to gain, not what you may have lost. Memories are to be cherished, not regretted. Let bygones be bygones. In this way, you keep yourself with a forward and optimistic point of life.

(cinq)

There's a difference between saying in jest, and meaning it maliciously. We often fail to see the difference.

(six)

There are those who see things that are not there. There are those who perpetuate these superstitions among others. Remember the Salem witch-hunt.

(sept)

Those who have the ability to let their brain control them, rather than their heart, are blessed; for they have the power to withstand the worst of the worldly temptations. I only wish that we could all be this blessed.

(huit)

Some things are never meant to be. But others are never meant to be not, either. Don't rush things.

(neuf)

Remember, your life is your own. Your emotions are what you want them to be. Whether you feel sad, happy, torn up, or jubilant, remember, it is what you want yourself to feel. No external force, save death, can control your emotions if you don't want others to control it.

(dix)

Control your hunger; it will go away. Control your anguish; it will pass. The power of the mind is great.

(onze)

The only external force that is greater than yourself is God. What He giveth, He can take away.

(douze)

There are no such things as contradictions. It's all in the mind. Remember, things are what they appear to be to your mind; there is no such thing as "it is". Nothing is absolute; show me a man who will say "yes" or "no" with 100% certainty to most questions, and I'll show you a liar. Will I go to the dance tonight? Maybe is the correct answer.

(treize)

Remember rule zero. And thirteen is only an unlucky number if I think it to be so.

My brother has seen it fit to pollute our shared comp thus with this Google Earth Monstrosity. Apparently the Great Wall is NOT readily visible from space, although Tiananmen Square is, right down to its myriad proleteriat statues.

Lenin would turn in his grave.

Which by the way is visible from space too.

Hmm. Anyone else get this kind of error?

Lockdown in sector 4!

Our system indicates unusual usage of your account. In order to protect Gmail users from potentially harmful use of Gmail, this account has been disabled for up to 24 hours.

If you are using any third party software that interacts with your Gmail account, please disable it or adjust it so that its use complies with the Gmail Terms of Use. If you feel that you have been using your Gmail account according to the Terms of Use or otherwise normally, please contact us at gmail-lockdown@google.com to report this problem.

Mid-Posting Report

Taking a break from my own massive incompetence and ineptitudes...

It's like Zen really - the transcendence you achieve when you realize that most doctors are more concerned with not appearing stupid than with patient welfare per se.

You wade through the wards, feeling like a little boy at a parade where every one is naked (The Emperor's New Mardi Gras) but any attempt to blow the whistle on the proceedings is met with a gentle tap on the wrist and the recrimination "Yes let's move away from the obvious and consider the signs in relation to the presenting complaint."

After all, what is the sound of one idiot talking?

Google - taking over the universe?

The bigwigs at google are apparently not satisfied with just Google Earth.

Presenting: Google Moon

Very soon we'll all be google property. You can imagine: http://covermeinashes.google.com/

Any hardcore programmers here? Ready to prove you are not just a script kiddie? Want to show your 1337ness?

Presenting three esoteric programming languages for HARDCORE programmers only:

Whitespace, Intercal, and the aptly named BrainFuck.

And you can even have practice on the Sphere Online Judge!

Ok, now that we're done with this needless pimping of languages no one will ever use seriously, let's not detract from that huge mass of black words in the post before this one.

In other news, my comp works again! As suspected, replacement of the power supply was all that was needed.

ROWLING: I STOLE THE GINNY/POTTER PAIRUP FROM A FANFIC
HENTAI HARRY PLANNED FOR BOOK SEVEN?

Acclaimed writer J K Rowling, author of the popular children's series Harry Potter, revealed yesterday the inspiration behind the controversial pairing in her latest opus, Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince.

"I was, like, surfing bash.org for ideas after completely exhausting my brains over Number Five, when I, like, came across this entry where some dude had taken my third book - available $12.99 at amazon.com - and switched the word "wand" with "wang". I was particularly struck by a line which went something like '"Oh, move over," Ginny snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"' And I was like, hey dude, this pairup has got all the right vibes, so I took the idea and ran with it. After that, I just kinda went crazy and just started pairing up random characters using a magic 8-ball."

"I also saw this line which went 'Any second now, he might see his father again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear him again, and he didn't want to... or did he? Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.' And I thought, yeah, that's what Harry needs, a hot hentai romp before I kill him off in the next book."

Meanwhile, fanfickers and cosplayers at hpfanfic.com were up in arms at these revelations. "I've always been a fan of the HH - Harry & Hermi - pairings since I started reading Harry Potter," said Emma4U, a creepy 42-year-old man masquerading as a 16-year old Japanese schoolgirl. "Plus, I've always wanted to see Emma Watson act the part of romantic lead; I figure by the time Book Six comes to film she'll be around eighteen, legal and ready to handle the increased exposure."

"I've got a really cool Hermione outfit for the Yule Ball scene I'm thinking of wearing to the premiere," (s)he added.

"The development of love relationships within the characters is rather contrived, in my opinion," decided another long-time Potter fan Ncmhp, as he struggled with a thesaurus for a synonym for 'contrived'. "One problem is that there are a lot of contrived acts. It seems almost as contrived as calling yourself a name without any vowels."

As of press time, her Bloomsbury spokesman had yet to address the issue of a potentially wang-filled Book Seven. However he did respond to the allegation of plagarism: "Any casual observer would see obvious discrepancies between both plot lines. For instance, the lock to Harry Potter's wang, or chasity belt, alluded to in the fanfic, is completely absent in The Half-Blood Prince - available hardcover from bloomsbury.com at $16.99."

"This, however, does not mean that a chasity belt will not feature as a plot device in the next installment," he hinted, addressing rumors that Potter's lightning shaped scar is actually a keyhole, and that the next book will be titled Harry Potter & the Lock of Voldemort.

Harry Potter could not be reached for comment as of press time. He has been linked with a prolific series of bedpartners in the past, including Hermione Granger, Cho Chang, Ron/Ronni Weasley, and Yoko Ono. He was also alleged to have been the third party in the failed Ben Affleck - Jennifer Lopez romance, causing the short-lived but well-publicized Harrifer scandal.

-GCO Press

Warning: This entry may contain spoilers.

Firstly, this book has less closure than any of the previous HP books. You won't expect closure on a HP book, given that it is known that the series consists of 7 books, but this book has far less closure than any of the previous books. There are more than the usual twists introduced at the end.

I would just like to say that I was NOT one of those girls/ six pairs of hands percussing the old lady till she suffered a spontaneous vertebral fracture. I was right next to her but she looked so sick that I had no heart to join in the misogynistic festivities. So call me a wet blanket.

Incidentally, anodyne passed on some great pearls of wisdom he picked up from GTA : San Andreas. I've decided to adopt them as my personal mantra.

"If you can eat your food while all around you everybody is losing theirs and blaming you for it, then you're a man."

Thanks anodyne, for your support and invaluable advice.

Anyway, today's blog is about the darker kind of medical students. Even more annoying than your medical leech (egads!), these denizens infiltrate every social situation with a kind of off-world aura. If you want to break up any social gathering asap, this is the companion that you have to bring along.

He is, the Medical Bore.

(At this point I'm extremely tempted to post a photograph of our cg, but we haven't taken any yet so..)

Mention any symptom, and he'll immediately launch into a deluge of differential diagnoses and recommended treatments. A typical conversation with a medical bore goes like this :

Bored: I feel giddy.

Bore : Oh my God! Is it vertiginous? Do you have cloudy vision or diplopia? It could be a stroke! A tumour! Oh someone please call an ambulance! (Faints from excitement)

It appears that the long hours spent in the wards has altered the Medical Bore's mental state to one of constant doctoring. When he walks on the street, every person he sees is target practice for spot diagnosis. A typical teenager with a bad case of acne is "lupus". An old lady emerging from the hospital with an eye-patch is "laser treatment". This brings people-watching to a whole new level, and also causes eye-strain for the Bored due to excessive eyeball rolling.

The Medical Bore is torture to have as a cg mate, as he delights in lording over his lesser cg mates (defined as anybody who volunteers less answers during tutorials) with his superior medical knowledge. After every tutorial, when the tutor has clearly indicated his desire to go off for lunch, the Medical Bore insidiously cuts in with a "oh, Dr. so-and-so, just a quick question.." and then proceeds to barrage the baffled tutor with 30 minutes worth of complicated and irrelevant questions. At the end of it, everybody ends up feeling vaguely dissatisfied, very hungry and having to rush off for the next tutorial without even the consolation of a hotdog puff.

Unfortunately, the Medical Bore is such a common phenomenon that more than half the student population would be jailed if it were to be made a crime. As such, the rest of us, the Clearly Boreds (CB), have no choice but to suffer silently, and maybe do the occasional yan2 bao3 jian4 cao1 to preserve the integrity of our ocular muscles and prevent our eyeballs from rolling out of their sockets.

The Medical Leech Part II

You know how it goes in every tutorial - there are eight (there are always eight - doctors cabal as easily as witches in a coven) of us clustered around the patient, a NINETY SIX YEAR OLD lady with frail wispy hair, sunken eyes that were clouded over, and probably weighed a total of THREE KILOGRAMS excluding the LTOT ventilator and 3 assorted drips.

Sir, my patient is a 96-yr old BIBASAL CREPS WITH RIGHT LOWER EFFUSION.

In the rush to leech off signs, a woman easily five times your age was buffetted by at least 6 pairs of hands. As each girl went up ("Girls in general talk louder, percuss softer") and flunked like incompetent little fucks, prolonging her agony. With every fucked up tap of her back she start coughing more and more, eventually wheezing like a sad little balloon in a children's story who was just getting smaller and smaller cause too many children were fighting to play with it.

And you'd think it'll stop here didn'tcha?

"Come lets get a guy" to show you how you dumb fucks should have done it? WHAM WHAM went the clavicles. WHAM WHAM went her back that was probably broken by the Jap occupation, the communist insurgency. A simple, unassuming lady in obvious pain, unable to refuse the leeches simply because her ventilator made speech impossible. A lady who did no wrong (except to have her pleura effused) to deserve the leeches fighting over her, pummeling on her back like untrained little fucks who (a) don't even know what they're doing and (b) don't know how NOT to elicit pain.

MAN IT MAKES ME FEEL SO DAMN PISSED OFF.

Not-so-politically-correct words of wisdom:

Scandals can be created without any valid basis.

Just woke up. Reached home at 1730 last night, KO'ed till the morning come. Gotta rush off in just under 10 minutes.

Is this how it's gonna be from now on?

Kids, don't try this at home

It was going to happen eventually.

I didn't think I could survive on 4-5 hours sleep a day for over a week. Without caffeine or any other form of stimulant, and stuff to do everyday. Usually I would sleep a bit more over the weekend; for some funny reason, it didn't happen this time.

(I won't call it being busy; being busy implies that what you do is important; I don't consider entertainment to be being busy).

I can feel the crash coming on.

Bleh. =(

Random Musings

There are serious actions, and there are serious actions.

To most of us, marriage is going to be one of the biggest things in our life. For some, it is THE important event.

Before marriage, there is the act of proposing marriage.

Like marriage, this act is extremely serious. Should we take this act lightly?

I'll leave it at this stage... if you know what I'm talking about, good for you. =)

In the end, I suppose what matters is what you feel in your heart.

The problem with movie remakes of comic series-es is that they tend to follow the comic itself - which is all action, little story.

Unfortunately, this little flaw with such movies is perpetuated to a great extent in "Fantastic Four".

While, as usual in this kind of movies, the action is decent, one problem is that there is no real development in characters or the story itself.

The one major plot twist is really expected. The ending is just priming itself for a sequel. This is not a movie where you can talk much about, or even, discuss funny or interesting episodes in the movie. At least in movies like Initial D, you can revisit funny scenes for a good laugh. The attempts at humour here are ridiculous at best; there is a dirty reference, but oh well.

The movie is enjoyable, if you enjoy tributes to old time comic heroes, or you prefer those simple uncomplicated movies in which the good guys win. If you're looking for story and thematic development, you'll be disappointed.

I can't reveal more, else there would be spoilers. =)

Why Shakespaere had buck teeth

While trying to scan for a verse/line reference from Caliban (for a certain Ethics essay I am obliged to author, in which a comparison between Prospero and the archetype paternalistic doctor is a fortuitous coincidence), I found myself inundated by a deluge of Elizabethan prose.

As I gazed upon a tongue which I had not seen since Sec Four (as opposed to Chinese which has been presumed MIA since J2) a sudden spark of nostalgia dawned upon me. Consider the following extract:

When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;

Memory calls a two sided book - a page of prose and the next of footnotes - and it would be filled with anacronisms such as -

1. quietus: Something that serves to suppress, check, or eliminate, esp. death.
2. fardel: a burden
3. bourn: a small stream or brook, used here to indicate a boundary.

And for every volume of Shakespeare I would faithfully scan every margin, every list of old words - each one an epitaph, a memorial, a lexicon's graveyard. For words die too as surely as the men who utter them, for each one a mortal span where slowly but surely their own quietus made.

Another quirk of Elizabethan prose. Consider the following extract from a contemporary, the King James Bible:

For he saith to Moses, the Lord hath mercy on whom the Lord will have mercy, and He hath compassion on whom He will have compassion. (KJV: Romans)

is perfectly capable of meaning rendered "modern" by the simple substitution of "s" for the consonant "th", as below:

For he sais (says) to Moses, the Lord has mercy on whom the Lord will have mercy, and He has compassion on whom He will have compassion. (KJV: Romans)

Now the "th" for "s" substitution is a familiar one - one that Orthodontic Linguistics terms "incisor speech", colloquially known as a lisp.

Thimple Thimon thinketh that Thakestheare doth require braceth.

Grand Copthorne has a GREAT buffet. If you've got the stomach, you could eat there forever. The smoked salmon reminded me of the time when I was in Paris. Unfortunately I don't know the cost.

The King of Greece was around... but I didn't see him.

It is rather idyllic, sitting at the waterfront eating good food for two hours. The atmosphere is serene and quiet... at least until Zouk gets crowded. Hey, it wasn't Wednesday =)

I think I am going to like Boston.

Not exactly the most recent of news, but:

Russian Astrologer sues NASA

Do you think the Paris Olympic Team can blame their loss on the "unnatural shifting of universal forces"?

How did Paris lose? Je ne sais pas.

Quite an upset. Well, hopefully we can look forward to London 2012.

3 hours of queuing up standing up.

1 hour outdoors in the sun (at least it wasn't raining!)

2 hours indoors.

All for a 2 minute interview.

Post-4th July workload, perhaps?

Why do people behave differently when their identity is hidden?

The relative anonymity people enjoy (or suffer) on the Internet changes their thought processes. Other than the obvious abuses people can do when they believe that their deeds cannot be traced back to them, there are other, not-so-obvious subtle differences; even the individual himself may not be aware of it.

Take, for example, one of the more contrived examples, a DOTA game. For those not in the know, DOTA (otherwise known as Defence Of The Ancients) is a very popular mod (modification) based on Blizzard's Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. It's a team game in which players choose heroes and try to destroy the enemy team's throne.

I will try to elucidate the following discussion in as neutral terms as possible, although there may be a few places in which I will use terms more familiar to those who already play the game. In this case, I apologize beforehand for the use of such jargon; although if you don't play the game already, I recommend you pick it up - it's fun! [ Those who already play, motivate those who don't play the game to play! ]

There exists within people a different mindset when playing an inhouse game, where everyone, or nearly everyone, knows each other, and when playing a public game (pubbie), which is where most of the players are strangers with each other.

In an inhouse, two of the more pertinent factors affecting a player's play are: Firstly, each player has a reputation, and secondly, most of the players are friends with each other.

Let's address the first issue. Players who have played with each other many times will be more or less aware of the relative strength and weaknesses of each of their allies and opponents. They will be more confident, and play far more aggressively, when facing a player perceived to be weaker, and will play more cautiously when facing one considered stronger. Furthermore, those considered strong will want to preserve their "reputation", and will want to do well. Thus, they will be far more critical on themselves as well as their teammates, since when their team mates do well, they do well (as is usually the case in most team games).

Now, I shall address the second issue. When players play often with each other, they will trust each other more, and they also will help each other more. This leads to a helpful "I know you've got my back" mentality. In a dangerous situation that is balanced between both sides, teams that have more trust in each other are more likely to take more risks (that may pay off) as they know that if they throw themselves into danger (a calculated gambit) in order to kill one or more opponents, they willl have allies to back them up. It is also more likely that in an inhouse game, you would track back in order to help your allies defend a "push" from your opponents, as you will be willing to help your friends in such potentially dangerous situations.

How about a pubbie then?

In a pubbie, there is unfamiliarity with allies/opponents. Furthermore, there is the factor of "you don't know me, I don't know you, after this game we won't play again" kind of mentality.

In a public game, at least for people like myself who consider ourselves more experienced, we consider the enemy to be inferior. This affects our play style greatly, in the sense that we may play far more aggressively or we will attempt to draw enemies into traps (for DOTA players: the most common trap early game in pubbies is to chase an enemy to his tower) far more. You may not be aware of this, but for most people, this is the subconscious instinct that they have in public games.

We also consider our allies (that we do not know) to be inferior. This is a "I, me, myself" mentality. We believe that our resources should be wholly to help ourselves, as they would be a waste on our allies who will not be able to use them. For this and similar reasons, we are not so inclined to help our allies defend a push, as we would rather concentrate on getting gold (DOTA players read - farming) in our own separate areas (lanes); its a "so long as my tower doesn't die, I can't be bothered if my ally dies" kind of train of thought.

This also leads to a form of mutual distrust, especially between two people who think the same way as described above. It also makes the team in general more inefficient. One example is in the concept of sharing items in a team. Generally, this is cost-efficient (for DOTA players, one example is sharing regen items e.g. RoR, RoH, sobi masks between teammates in the same lane); however, in public games, no one is going to do this - they are all scared of "what if he takes my item and runs away with it?"

The second factor in pubbies is the idea (for most people) that no one is going to remember you after this game viz. the anonymity hidden behind your nickname or handle. As a result, firstly, you won't play your best - so what if I lose or play badly? You may not think so, but subconsciously you will excuse yourself even if you lose; unlike an inhouse, where the losing team thinks long and hard about why they lost and may even do a detailed analysis. Secondly, you are even free to insult and even malign your enemies (and allies!), and even threaten them with physical harm (the most common line goes something like "Where do you live? I'll come over and beat you up") ; all will be forgotten after the game. Thirdly, and this is related to a point above, you will not be so eager to help your team out - personal gain comes first - as no one will remember your 133t teamwork.

One common complaint players make in pubbies is that "My allies are so noob! They never help out or stick together!" In many cases, it is not solely the individual skill of the players that cause such complaints (although in some cases, that is true indeed) - it is the subconscious mindset described above that causes such behaviour.

Hirudo medicinalis - The Medical Leech

The leech has a long hallowed tradition in medical practice - a humble symbiote that feeds off the blood of its host, it is the original phlebotomist, venesectomist, and universal panacea. Your normal garden swamp variety leech requires only two blood meals a year, secreting anticoagulants, vasodilators, and a potent anaesthetic into an airtight seal, and demonstrating an aseptic technique that is the envy of all housemen and medical students. Leeches were prescribed for all ills from diabetes to impotence, and, in the Middle Ages, proficiency in leechcraft was considered the hallmark of a great physician - the Old German word for physician (lahhi) is in fact derived from a time when doctors were also known as "leeches".

The similarity goes rather deeper than that.

We have now moved beyond Hirudo medicinalis and the Middle Ages, but the Medical Leech is still a common sight in the hospital wards today. It stalks its prey amongst the beds of the sick and weary, deriving its sustenance from the very lifeblood of the ward's inhabitants. And, on a cool and balmy day, or while parasitizing an air-conditioned ward, it might even deign to don a threadbare white coat, its most distinctive morphological characteristic.

Yes, we medical students are the Medical Leeches of today. We swarm the wards in hordes of tens and hundreds, preying upon the consultant on his coffee break, the harried medical officer on his morning walkabout, sometimes even the occasional nurse with the venesection cart. We attach ourselves to unsuspecting hosts, and imbibe the knowledge of our prey with avaricious glee. Like all leeches, we are probably unwanted nuisances to be ridded off with a strategically applied cigarette butt, thus we have to be adept to continue our feeding unabated. As with the physicians of yore, the hallmark of a competent medical student is his proficiency at leechcraft, and thus without any more ado, CoverMeinAshes presents:

LEECHCRAFT
or How To Get The Most Out Of Your MO

to be continued...

Welcome to the second half of the year.

[Ed: TECHNICALLY Midsummer's Day was a couple of weeks ago. Traditionally celebrated by burning witches at the stake and turning into ass-headed fairy-flirting imbecile cf. nick bottom.]

Flirting (not wooing) is just one big ass ego trip.

[Ed: Salacious details always welcome]