Hirudo medicinalis - The Medical Leech

The leech has a long hallowed tradition in medical practice - a humble symbiote that feeds off the blood of its host, it is the original phlebotomist, venesectomist, and universal panacea. Your normal garden swamp variety leech requires only two blood meals a year, secreting anticoagulants, vasodilators, and a potent anaesthetic into an airtight seal, and demonstrating an aseptic technique that is the envy of all housemen and medical students. Leeches were prescribed for all ills from diabetes to impotence, and, in the Middle Ages, proficiency in leechcraft was considered the hallmark of a great physician - the Old German word for physician (lahhi) is in fact derived from a time when doctors were also known as "leeches".

The similarity goes rather deeper than that.

We have now moved beyond Hirudo medicinalis and the Middle Ages, but the Medical Leech is still a common sight in the hospital wards today. It stalks its prey amongst the beds of the sick and weary, deriving its sustenance from the very lifeblood of the ward's inhabitants. And, on a cool and balmy day, or while parasitizing an air-conditioned ward, it might even deign to don a threadbare white coat, its most distinctive morphological characteristic.

Yes, we medical students are the Medical Leeches of today. We swarm the wards in hordes of tens and hundreds, preying upon the consultant on his coffee break, the harried medical officer on his morning walkabout, sometimes even the occasional nurse with the venesection cart. We attach ourselves to unsuspecting hosts, and imbibe the knowledge of our prey with avaricious glee. Like all leeches, we are probably unwanted nuisances to be ridded off with a strategically applied cigarette butt, thus we have to be adept to continue our feeding unabated. As with the physicians of yore, the hallmark of a competent medical student is his proficiency at leechcraft, and thus without any more ado, CoverMeinAshes presents:

LEECHCRAFT
or How To Get The Most Out Of Your MO

to be continued...