ROWLING: I STOLE THE GINNY/POTTER PAIRUP FROM A FANFIC
HENTAI HARRY PLANNED FOR BOOK SEVEN?

Acclaimed writer J K Rowling, author of the popular children's series Harry Potter, revealed yesterday the inspiration behind the controversial pairing in her latest opus, Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince.

"I was, like, surfing bash.org for ideas after completely exhausting my brains over Number Five, when I, like, came across this entry where some dude had taken my third book - available $12.99 at amazon.com - and switched the word "wand" with "wang". I was particularly struck by a line which went something like '"Oh, move over," Ginny snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"' And I was like, hey dude, this pairup has got all the right vibes, so I took the idea and ran with it. After that, I just kinda went crazy and just started pairing up random characters using a magic 8-ball."

"I also saw this line which went 'Any second now, he might see his father again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear him again, and he didn't want to... or did he? Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.' And I thought, yeah, that's what Harry needs, a hot hentai romp before I kill him off in the next book."

Meanwhile, fanfickers and cosplayers at hpfanfic.com were up in arms at these revelations. "I've always been a fan of the HH - Harry & Hermi - pairings since I started reading Harry Potter," said Emma4U, a creepy 42-year-old man masquerading as a 16-year old Japanese schoolgirl. "Plus, I've always wanted to see Emma Watson act the part of romantic lead; I figure by the time Book Six comes to film she'll be around eighteen, legal and ready to handle the increased exposure."

"I've got a really cool Hermione outfit for the Yule Ball scene I'm thinking of wearing to the premiere," (s)he added.

"The development of love relationships within the characters is rather contrived, in my opinion," decided another long-time Potter fan Ncmhp, as he struggled with a thesaurus for a synonym for 'contrived'. "One problem is that there are a lot of contrived acts. It seems almost as contrived as calling yourself a name without any vowels."

As of press time, her Bloomsbury spokesman had yet to address the issue of a potentially wang-filled Book Seven. However he did respond to the allegation of plagarism: "Any casual observer would see obvious discrepancies between both plot lines. For instance, the lock to Harry Potter's wang, or chasity belt, alluded to in the fanfic, is completely absent in The Half-Blood Prince - available hardcover from bloomsbury.com at $16.99."

"This, however, does not mean that a chasity belt will not feature as a plot device in the next installment," he hinted, addressing rumors that Potter's lightning shaped scar is actually a keyhole, and that the next book will be titled Harry Potter & the Lock of Voldemort.

Harry Potter could not be reached for comment as of press time. He has been linked with a prolific series of bedpartners in the past, including Hermione Granger, Cho Chang, Ron/Ronni Weasley, and Yoko Ono. He was also alleged to have been the third party in the failed Ben Affleck - Jennifer Lopez romance, causing the short-lived but well-publicized Harrifer scandal.

-GCO Press

Warning: This entry may contain spoilers.